People Profiles

Here is a run down of the people who were at the same company as me.

Belgium Dude: my BFF4L is back in Belgiumland with a job and just being awesome. We did have a 3 hour facetime call last week and had a massive catch up. He’s off to CUBA in the summer (toatz jelly). UPDATE: he is coming to see me in Spain.

Portuguese Dude: my partner in crime. Currently on the same apprenticeship scheme as me, possibly gay, does a brilliant illegal Portuguese maid impression. Amazing one liners.

Nice Portuguese Sales Lady: she had been at the company for 15 years and could either be nice or horrible. She was mostly nice to me. (thank god!)

Horrible Portuguese Sales Lady: never nice, horrible to everyone, randomly grabs your shoulders, possible murderer, hums coronation theme tune.

Smelly/Dandruff IT Dude: never used deodorant, ever. Also his seat was covered in a layer of dandruff, long nails.

No chin Lady: worked in contracting, lookalike – Edna from the Incredibles, no chin just a neck, 9.5 years service, hit by a moped in first year at company, good american accent.

Dave: real name not Dave, was called it in an email, apparently knows everything, lookalike – Penfold.

Data Dudette: other friend, 24, been at the company since school, learning to drive, no qualifications.

My Manager: hungarian, short, some stuff lost in translation, generally cool.

HR: susan boyle lookalike, yelled at me (need a whole post dedicated to that),horrible.

Tiny M: IT apprentice, weird, was fired.

IT apprentice replacement: generally ok.

GM: general manager, fired, man boobs, needs a bra.

C-lady: other friend, loud, nice, large.

Shoulder: her last name reminded me of shoulder, too much make up, eyebrows drawn on.

Russian lady: epic, slightly scary, ex-nuclear physicist, likes me.

Accounts Lday: horrible, half giant, horrible

Accounts Ledger: fired, weird, no friends, like an old obnoxious lady in a 20 year old’s head, engaged, was at my high school.

Accounts Apprentice 1: gay, nice, at my high school (year above me)

Accounts Apprentice 2: girlfriend went to my high school, crazy as fudge blue eyes.

Accounts Interim: dude was a  bit weird.

Accounts Senior: horrible.

Head Dude: gross nose hair, random cough, thinks social media sucks, stuck in the 70’s.

Redundancy at its finest

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I have been working at this un-named company for a year now. (I know that is such a long time!) It feels like only yesterday was my first day, where I would eat my lunch at my desk and be antisocial in general. On Friday I was made redundant. Literally everyone was made redundant. The company went kaput and got bought out by the biggest competitor.

My contract officially ended in January and I kept on talking to my Manager and HR about what was happening. I hadn’t had my months notice about them getting rid of me, hell, I hadn’t even been told they were keeping me on. For a month I was floating around in limbo. I was constantly sending emails, asking to have a meeting, anything to find out what was happening. I just kept on turning up every day. That was probably a mistake on my side. I should of just staged a revolution, stolen the computer and walked out.

It wasn’t until Friday when the whole company (40 odd people) were sat down in the big main office area for a big “talk”.The head of the company then proceeded to tell us that he had sold the company, he was retiring in 1 on his 3 mansions, and we were all jobless. Pretty much everyone was crying. I wasn’t. I sort of expected it. I felt so sorry for the people with mortgages, children and the ones who had been there 20 odd years.

I went and cleared my desk in record speed. I pretty much threw absolutely everything in the bin. It was actually quite fun. Tearing up paper throwing it around, not caring that I had left a yoghurt in the fridge to go mouldy. I emptied my snack drawer (I had a surprisingly large amount of food, two Tesco bag’s to be exact) and snuck down to the basement. Once I was in said basement, I may or may not have stolen a handful of USB’s and shoved them up my jumper sleeve.

Portuguese Dude (aka my partner in crime) was absolutely livid, he was tearing up paper like he was ripping off someone’s head. It was quite gruesome. He had one week to finish his apprenticeship (the same one as me, except I finished a month ago) and it was one week until payday. We had some talk from some fat redundancy lawyer who basically said you will only get paid a weeks worth of wages, if at all.

I then went into the main office and braved the possibility of infectious diseases and hugged some people I never thought I would. I admit I didn’t mind hugging my friends and it was slightly weird when Accounts dude embraced me but it wasn’t as bad as when the Head Dude of the company cornered me. I was planning my escape, laden down with three plants (one stolen from my little office, one I got around Christmas time and one gifted by the lovely Portuguese Sales Lady – not the horrible one), two bags of food, my backpack stuffed with stationary from the stationary cupboard, another plastic bag filled with CV’s and knitting patterns which I had been printing off since 9am that morning (free ink, why not?) and my sleeves filled with branded USB’s.  He got up close and wrapped his arms around me, after I tried ducking around him twice trying to get out of the door.

When he finally released me and said “Good luck” I RAN AS FAST AS I COULD towards the bus stop. (I managed to get the earlyish one home) I got pity stares from an old lady on the bus. It was quite obvious I had been made to clear out my desk. It got worse though because I was taking up two seats with all of my crap and then this disabled woman got on. To my great horror I realised I was in the seat where if a disabled person gets on you have to vacate said seat. I was panicking and clutching my various bags. Luckily the bus was empty and she went a few rows behind me but not after death staring me.

bus stop life

bus stop life

It hasn’t really sunk in yet that I don’t have a job, it feels like this past year hasn’t really happened.

IMG_8995

Portuguese Dude leaving rude images while I’m out at lunch